![]() ![]() The isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic has likely made this even worse. The result is a sharp increase in the number of friendless people and a steep decline in the number of friends many of the rest of us have. Staying tuned into your feelings and letting your friend know if you need a break, such as by saying, “I want to help you, but I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now.We expect a lot from friendships in our otherwise atomized lives, hoping they'll play the role once filled by "parents, aunts and uncles, cousins, fellow parishioners, fellow union members, fellow Rotarians." Yet, precisely because many of us spend much of our lives running from one task, ambition, and duty to the next, those relationships can end up strained.Being direct with your friend if a boundary is crossed, such as by saying, “I am willing to help in any way I can, but as I said before, I can’t help you with that.”.For example, you might say, “I’m happy to listen to you any time I can, but I can’t accept calls when I am at work. Asserting your boundaries to your friend, such as by telling them what you will and will not do.For example, you might be willing to listen to your friend vent about their ex, but not act as a go-between to send messages to their ex or find out what their ex is up to. Identifying what your limits are, such as what you are willing to do to help and what you are not willing to do.Some ways you can maintain healthy boundaries include: X Research source Make sure that you are not giving away too much of your time and emotional energy. While it’s great to help your friend, it’s also important to say “no” when you are not up to helping them. Maintain healthy boundaries and avoid saying “yes” to every request. When you check in on your friend, be sure to remind them that you're there for them if they feel like talking. ![]() For example, if a loved one has just passed away, you shouldn't call during the funeral, but it would be nice to call that evening or the next day to see how your friend is doing. Call at strategic times to show your friend that you are thinking about them.Depending on how close the 2 of you are, you may want to do this every day or every few days until they seem to be feeling a little better. Call your friend, text them, or leave them a note to let them know you're thinking about them.They may really need you, but they may not be feeling up to making contact. Don't wait for them to reach out to you.Always remind them that you are there to help and support them however they need. Check in on them regularly and ask them how they are feeling. Heartbreak can stick around for a long time, so don't expect your friend to be fine after a day or 2. X Research sourceĬheck up on your friend. You run the risk of trivializing their pain if you say something like this. Don't tell your friend that whatever happened, happened for a reason.Instead of saying, "Everything happens for a reason," just say, "I'm sorry about what you're going through. It also typically does not help to try to show your friend the silver lining of their situation.Instead of saying something like, "They were a jerk and you're better off without them," just acknowledge the sense of loss your friend is feeling by saying, "It must be really hard to lose someone you cared about so much." If your friend is going through a breakup, don't feel like you need to say anything negative about their ex to make them feel better. ![]()
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